fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
