I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
