If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
