No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
