The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Someone signed my nipple.
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