Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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