if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
