you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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