I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
well you can't waste a boner
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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