he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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