I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize