it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
