yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
