I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I could fuck to npr.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
not ubering you a puppy
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
