I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
