Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
