Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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