I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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