put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
