o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
