I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize