There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
