I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
