: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
