did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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