She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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