Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
