dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
