New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
