I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
