don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
