oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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