dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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