Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
