I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
