I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
