Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
