Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i love accidental penises.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
