Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
