god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
