I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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