She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
