I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
