OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize