mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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