walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
