I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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