operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I am one with the molecules
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
