areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
