A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize