I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
