I am puke
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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