Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
