I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
