You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
