Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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