just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
