I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
