You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
