just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
