The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
