I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
