I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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