sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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