Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
