Im at strip club and am horny
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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