My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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