How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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