i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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