Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
babies were throwing up all over the place
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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